Monday, June 15, 2009

Weird Things I Can or Can't Do, Want to Do, Love to Do or Won't Do

1. Can eat liver and onions while watching Dr. G. Medical Examiner
2. Can't eat avocado after catching tadpoles
3. Want to go to a comedy amateur night with my friends and laugh like hell when they bomb (it's okay if they laugh at me too)
4. Can't fly without being sedated (if general anesthesia were available I'd pay extra for it). Lik Woody Allen said: it's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens
5. Can do my own plumbing (drain kings are fun, snakes are more effective, I know the difference between ABS and PVC and learned a cool trick of putting wonderbread in a pipe to keep it dry when you need to blowtorch and flux it)
6. Can crawl under a house despite claustrophobia and fear of spiders (I have to dress like a Ghostbuster with goggles but I do it)
7. Love forensic shows and autopsies (although this does not make a good pick up line)
8. Can't get orchids to re-flower
9. Can train a wolf to set a table, say please and dance to jazz
10. Love to find the most exotic recipes and try them out on my unfortunate friends
11. Can't speak much spanish after 2 years of it in high school (no habla espanol is about it). I must have been texting (oh who am I trying to fool... back then texting meant opening a book!)
12. Can't text
13. Never used a Bluetooth that hasn't driven me crazy
14. Don't have tatoos nor bumperstickers on my car
15. Love my jeep cherokee (despite some mechanical issues)
16. Can't work on my own car (but I can add more oil, change a battery and recognize the "about to explode" warning light)
17. Don't trust mechanics, tarot card readers or people that knock on your door with "your going to hell" pamphlets
18. Don't do drugs (I'm crazy enough without them)
19. Have a theory about the origon of the universe originating from the implosion of black holes (Einsten hasn't returned my calls. This doesn't mean that I don't believe in God, I do... someone had to have a blueprint)
20. More in awe of poets, artists, veterinarians, neurosurgeons, rocket scientists than rich men or celebrities
21. Can't drink vodka without throwing up
22. Can't stand Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt (I wish someone would find them another planet to live on, we've heard enough)
23. Is Madonna dead yet?
24. Think Nancy Grace is one of the most rude women but for some strange reason I like her (she has the expression of a pissed-off bullsnake)
25. Think Grant (from TAPS) is cuter than Jason (hey! they're plumbers!! What better profession to find a "leak" in the paranormal piping?!)
26. Had paranormal experiences (but I've never been possessed, levitated above my bed or spoken in demon tongues...remember I can't even speak Spanish)
27. That Bolovoiscki-icki guy who tried to sell a senate seat has bad hair (I'm assuming his beautician is the same one Trump uses)
28. Used to have a crush on Capt Kirk but he aged badly (is that guy on prednisone or what?)
29. Collect too much (mainly art, archaeologic pieces, sculpture, wolves,persian rugs, architecture magazines and TONS of poetry books)
30. Can't stand prissy women or men who work out so much they look like popeye
31. Should pray more
32. Should relax more
33. Want to be more charitable
34. Burn too many candles and accidentally lit my front gate on fire (I just tell people I'm going for the rustic look with the burn pattern)
35. Have bought things and snuck them into the house and act surprised when my husband asks me if something is new (WHAT?!! no, we've had that FOREVOR!)
36. Love blonde-haired, blue-eyed swedish men (okay... just the one I married)
37. Love the fact that I don't have to date (I'd rather have a prolapsed uterus)
38. Wanted to get into falconry but didn't like the fact that you have to keep the bird in a cage, with blinders and hungry enough to come back to you when its hunting
(sounds ALL wrong)
39. Like to daydream
40. If I could go back in time I'd be in the medieval ages living in a castle with horses, falcons and wolves (only drawback they had really bad dentition and the whole plague scene is not appealing)
41. Was in France once and it's true: they don't like Americans or maybe it was just me
42. LOVE my iPod and my little Shuffle (1500 songs and counting)
43. Collect rocks and sea wood that look like creatures or modern art
44. Most beautiful place on earth: Palos Verde's cliffs in the rain
45. Used to rock climb but my rear end is not flattering in those harness's from below
46. Love to rollerblade
47. There's a possum loose in my backyard that drives my wooves crazy (he's actually kind of cute sitting on the roof in the dark... he looks so...thoughtful)
48. Have a "NO CATS ALLOWED" on my backyard fence (who knew they couldn't read?!)
49. Dont' really have any enemies right now (I'm definitely capable of making ones in the future)
50. Have bad habits but like to call them "indiscretions"
51. Once thought about being a nun but never heard of a nun that surfs or rollerblades (those skirts would be REAL dangerous on blades)
52. Did I say I need to pray more?
53. Would love to write a novel but I can't concentrate long enough to complete one(have numerous titles, plots, screenplays and a few loose screws)
54. Like to piece broken things back together (they look so much more "archaeologic")
55. Think King Tut's right-hand man murdered him
56. Would LOVE to see the Iceman mummy
57. Think Coffee Bean is better than Starbucks
58. Like children's books especially Dr. Seuss
59. Really round, smooth stones calm me down when I rub them in my palm
60. Don't like to wash dishes
61. Get a rush when standing in front of original artwork such as Van Gogh, Picasso and Gauguin (among others)
62. Like classical and opera music but feel pretentious when people in the next car can hear it (belting out to Rigoletto is considered odd in so. california)
63. Rap music irritates me
64. Still upset at the Soprano finale
65. Think Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive but in a weird way
67. Real Housewives from Orange County, Atlanta and the Bronx is a completely unflattering depiction of women at their richest, back-stabbing, materialistic, egotistical and unintelligent state
68. Am not afraid of snakes (used a stick to move a rattlesnake from a hiking path. He was actually very accomodating once he realized I was just trying to nudge him along)
69. Once found a snakeskin on the backwall of my closet as a child (we lived on a farm). It looked like the snake decided to hang its coat along with my clothes.
70. Hate ticks (when I was a kid my "mean" brother... he's actually very nice now...
picked a dozen of them off the dog and put them in my bed.)
71. Wrote a short story in high school "THE CAT" that my teacher wanted to publish
(its about a Nazi war criminal hiding in the midwest and is driven crazy by a starving, stray black cat that keeps brings back his memories of the holocaust)
72. Do have a fascination with Death
73. Think some dark things are really beautiful
74. Didn't date until my second year of college
75. Got mugged once while cycling through Culver City along the channel
76. Love the movie "Ghostbusters" (so many funny lines: Back off, man, I'm a scientist", "I'm a little fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing", "The superintendent is going to be pissed!", "Cats and dogs living together in sin")
77. Jane Campions THE PIANO was the most dark, beautiful movie I've ever seen

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